Every culture believes in a destined person. But there’s one crucial difference — and it changes everything about how you search.
If you read Part 1 — thank you. And welcome back.
I left off wondering whether 運命の人とは is uniquely Japanese. Or whether people everywhere quietly already understand this idea — they just haven’t had a word for it.
So I looked into it. And the answer is — both. With one very important difference.
Almost every culture in the world has some concept of a destined person. Before I get to that difference though, I want to introduce two more Japanese ideas. Because they belong in this conversation.
An invisible red thread connects two people who are destined to meet — tied around their little fingers at birth. It can stretch across oceans. It can tangle and knot. But it never breaks. This legend actually originates from Chinese folklore before becoming deeply woven into Japanese culture. Which is itself a beautiful thing . An idea that travelled across cultures and became something new. Sound familiar to anyone?
This one is harder to translate. It isn’t simply fate or luck. It is the sense that a meeting between two people was somehow meant to happen. That invisible circumstances aligned to bring them together. Japanese people use it for friendships, chance encounters, even business relationships. But when it applies to love, it carries real weight. 「この人とはご縁があった」 “I had go-en with this person” It means something that goes beyond coincidence.
So…. The red thread says the connection already exists. ご縁 says the meeting was meant to happen.
And yet, 運命の人とは says something that sits beyond both of them.
Yes, the thread may be there. Yes, the meeting may have been fated. But what you do after that moment? That is entirely up to you.
The thread brings you together. What you build after is the destiny.
I find that genuinely beautiful. And also — practical.
Because every culture in the world has its own version of this. The West has the soulmate; rooted in Plato, romanticised by centuries of literature and film. Jewish tradition has “bashert”; the one set aside for you before you were born. Korean culture has “Jeong”; a deep bond that forms between two people over time. Chinese tradition speaks of “Liang Fen”; a fated connection.
So no — Japan is not alone in believing that some people are meant to find each other.
But here is the crucial difference.
Most of these traditions describe destiny as something already decided. Already existing. Your person is out there, already formed, already yours. You just need to find them. Recognise them. And when you do — you’ll know.
The Japanese idea in that post says something altogether different.
Destiny is not found. It is built.
Your person doesn’t arrive already complete. They become your 運命の人 “Destined Person” after you meet — through the choices you both make. Through the decision, made again and again, to stay. To grow. To show up even when it would be easier not to.
Which brings me to what the research actually says — because this is where it gets interesting.
I’m not saying romance is dead. Chemistry matters. Of course it does.
But chemistry gets you to the table. What keeps you there — what actually builds something lasting is the intention to stay and grow. Together.
That is what 運命の人とは (Unmei no hito) is really saying.
And it turns out people all over the world, whether they have a word for it or not tend to figure this out eventually.
Usually after they’ve learned it the hard way.
Next – I want to talk about what this actually means for how we search, for what we look for, and for what changes when you stop waiting for someone already perfect and start looking for someone with the intention to grow with you.
If you are serious about finding a meaningful relationship and value a more discreet, international, and personalized approach, Pacific Match Global invites you to get in touch.